Sep 22, 2013 - Notes from visitors Leslie Peterson and Jeff Green

All,

Here are two messages from Leslie Peterson and Jeff Green who visited Barbara Ann on Sunday.  

From Leslie:

Hi Audrey,

Barbara  Ann would go in and out of knowing who I was.  I spent 90 minutes massaging  her knees, legs and feet; didn't try to talk.  Left her sleeping/resting.  The good news is that she didn't seem depressed or weepy; she just kept groaning with pleasure, and saying how wonderful the smell of the lotion was, and sleeping.  I was mixing some of her favorite lavendar/mint organic lotion she gave me,  with my creme. 

Can you put me on the calendar for Sunday, Oct 27, 12:30-2:30?

Best, Leslie

Leslie Peterson 

lslpet@comcast.net

www.lesliepetersonbodywisdom.com

From Jeff:

Audrey, I was so thrilled when I received the Sagebrush Swing CD in the mailbox this Friday.

All I can say is WOW! That is a knockout sound. Truly extraordinary.

I drove down to visit Barbara on Saturday and listened to it for 3 hours, singing along with thw two of you the whole way. Really beautiful music! Thanks so much for sharing that.

I played the album for Barbara, not really sure how she would respond, but it was obvious that she was deeply moved.

She thought that she probably had not listened to it in many years. It brought both of us to tears of joy because the music was so beautiful and tears of sorrow because of the realization that she has lost the motor skills and mental focus to make music.

She could still remember the arrangements. We talked about the arrangements. She loved arrangements.

I wanted to learn as much as possible about Sagebrush Swing and she enoyed talking about the two of you and always recalling just how much fun the two of you had together.

She really loves the accordion sound and this recording has some of the most outstanding accordion playing that anyone has ever heard. I only wish that we had more time to play together. We are really losing a beautiful girl and talented treasure.

I am so glad that you did get to visit her a couple of weeks past. Regrettably, it could be your last. I can't be sure that my visit yesterday will not be the last as she continues to slip a little more each day and very clearly told me that she has passed the point where she desires to hold on, but does not know how to let go.

Do you know who might be coordinating a memorial service for Barbara Ann? Dorothy? Beau?

I am very sorry that I did not get the chance to meet you when you were out to visit, but hope that I do get the opportunity some day.

We are really losing a beautiful girl and talented treasure. Her music and memory will live on forever in our hearts.

Regards

Jeff Green

Sep 21, 2013 - Nancy "Piano" Gililand - emails

Thanks Nancy for these emails.  Dorothy
-------------------------------------------------------------

From: Nancy Gilliland
Date: Sat, Sep 21, 2013 at 11:03 PM,
To: Dorothy and Audrey

 Sweet Dorothy and Audrey,
   It was so nice to meet you, Dorothy, and to see you again, Audrey, and have such a LOVELY afternoon.  I was elated to be able to play for Barbara Ann and have her be so animated and energetic with her singing.  It was just wonderful to hear the Sagebrush Swing gals serenade us again!  Dorothy, you did a great job on the videos…they are terrific.  It makes me smile (amidst getting choked up) to see Barbara Ann get into the music and have such a good time.  It truly was a gift that we all shared yesterday and I am very honored to be part of it.
    Big hugs,
    Nancy
-----------------------------------------------------
>From: Dorothy Bender
>Date: Sat, Sep 21, 2013, at 11:34 PM,
>To: Nancy Gililand

> Actually Nancy -- it was my honor and delight to witness the three of you in concert as other residents and staff sat listening, some singing along, some dancing. It really was an amazing afternoon. You just dazzled me as you responded to Barbara Ann's chord suggestions.

-----------------------------------------------------
From: Nancy Gilliland
Date: Sun, Sep 22, 2013 at 10:08 AM
To: Dorothy Bender


You know, Dorothy, Barbara Ann and I were having a conversation when I first visited her at Beau's in April and we both couldn't figure out why we hadn't done more music together.  Not exactly working together (since we both have different styles) but that would have been delightful (I had a fantasy of her playing accordion on a wonderful Johnny Mercer tune, "Once Upon A Summertime"…sounding very French), but when we'd get together for lunch…just playing and sharing songs and verses with each other would take a back seat.  We decided that other things got in the way…other things like talking about cooking and sharing recipes, gardening and sharing plant cuttings, talking about what was happening in our lives…and THEN we would do music at the end of our visit and one of us would have to leave.  It was always bittersweet but when we'd reconnect, we'd pick right up where we had left off.  I LOVE that about her and she loves that about me.  We would say that we needed a "Barbara Ann Fix" or a "Nancy Fix" and after our visit, our tanks would be full.  It was wonderful.  We call each other "Canary" and "Chirpie".  As she was declining, her emails got fewer and fewer and one of the last ones I received just said "Chirp" and I broke down. 
So the way I figure it, every time I come for a visit, music is an essential part of connecting with her and Barbara Ann connecting with herself.  I found it wonderful that she was calling out the chord changes for me on Friday when I was unfamiliar with the tune.  I have a good ear and can pick things out easily but she is the wonderful sight reader and perfect pitch gal.  In fact, on our second visit at Beau's in early May, our friend Chantale gave Barbara Ann a facial and Chantale's MO is that the music has to be very quiet and soothing.  They were in the master bedroom and I was in Barbara Ann's room, playing the electric piano…softly.  Barbara Ann calls out "I can't hear you…play louder and SING!"  Cracked me up!!  So I did.
Anything I can do to make her happy is on my list. 
xo

Sep 21, 2013 - Sagebrush Swing Album Cover with Barbara Ann Barnett and Audrey McLaughlin

IMG 1040 audrey barbaraann nancy

http://youtu.be/AdVj_11fyl4 

"Let the Rest of the World Go By" (J. Keirn Brennan & Ernest R. Ball, 1919) --  "a beautiful waltz whose original words hint of the spacious west in a simpler time.  The additional set of swing lyrics seemed to write themselves in 1999 -- although they came out the end of Barbara Ann's pencil." -- liner notes from SAGEBRUSH SWING: cowgal jazz with pizzaz by Barbara Ann Barnett and Audrey McLaughlin.

Sep 20, 2013 - Photos Audrey McLaughlin, Nancy Gililand, Dorothy Bender

Barbara Ann with Audrey McLaughlin, Sep 20, 2013

Barbara Ann with Nancy Gililand, Sep 20, 2013

Barbara Ann with Nancy Gililand, Sep 20, 2013

                                          

Barbara Ann with Dorothy Bender, Sep 20, 2013

                                         

Sep 20, 2013 - Videos Audrey McLaughlin, Nancy Gililand, Barbara Ann concert

On Sep 21, 2013, at 9:55 AM, Dorothy Bender <dbender@gmail.com> wrote:

It was a magical time, with Audrey and Barbara Ann singing together again and Nancy playing the piano. Nancy is so talented; she could play anything Barbara Ann wanted in any key.
Barbara Ann likes B flat. The other residents were singing along and dancing.
Barbara Ann was in her groove;
she was her old self for a few hours.

I wrote some notes in the green notebook, summarizing the cards and gifts (case of sardines) she received.

Additional videos (added Sep 27, 2013)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqc-vYF6G38
Barbara Ann Barnett & Nancy Gililand singing Home




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG-AEhj7fR4
Barbara Ann Barnett - Little Red Wagon

Sep 14, 2013 - Barb Swan and Mimi Hills visit

Email from: from Barb Swan, 9/15/2013

Since I seem unable to post on the blog, I thought I might write to you with a report of yesterday's visit by myself and Mimi with Barbara Ann, in hopes you can share it via email or the blog.  She wanted us to relay some info.

Mimi and I had a heartening experience and stayed twice as long as we'd intended.  BA teared up many times, usually when reminiscing about the people who sent cards we read to her. By the way, Mimi jotted down the names and addresses of every card and package we could find.  Also noted is a list of calls she received. This log is in a kelly green notebook left open with a pen on top of her bureau.  

A package we opened was filled with beautiful notecards from an artist friend.  As we looked around we found others, some sent by BA's sister, also an artist.  We put them all in one box and placed them on the bureau as well, with a sign "CARDS TO BE SENT (BLANK)".  BA wonders if visitors could act as scibes to help send a few at a time using the addresses in the green notebook.

I asked BA if she might like to pin some of these little masterpieces on her walls and she said she would.  Might someone ask the staff if this would be allowed, and if so, arrive with push pins?

BA wanted to share some of her mouthwatering chocolate with us, but also intimated how much she would appreciate a little box or two of Wild Planet Sardines that can be purchased at Costco.  We thought that was interesting!

Oh, BA would like everyone to know her cell phone password  because she is no longer able to retrieve calls herself and needs help.  

As we know, BA is affected greatly by sounds that don't seem that loud to us, but rattle her head.  Her room is adjacent to the kitchen so she hears sounds of meal preparation and clean up at least three times a day.  I learned from Manny, a staff member she is very fond of, that her room location was chosen because: a) it is the only room that has an private bathroom and b) with her door open the staff can hear her easily if she calls out to them.  Upon her request, the staff no longer listen to television or radio in the kitchen.  They really are trying to be responsive to her needs.

Mimi and I hope this information will be helpful.  We will visit again soon.  Oh, I just remembered something else - Manny said visitors can stay as late as 10:00pm!

Yours,

Barb

Sep 10, 2013 - Jeanne Friedman visit (plus video)

From: Jeanne Friedman on Tue, 10 Sep 2013

Lovely visit with Barbara today, altho the weather sure didn't cooperate in getting us outside.  Rainy and cold. So we stayed in.

Carrie Johnson, friends with "Barbie" (learned that nickname today ;-) since junior high school, came up from Morro Bay.  Not only is she a burst of high energy, they proceeded to dig back in time to San Diego and old friends and scenes.  One of those HS friends, Norm, called while Carrie was there - more old SD stories. And even more fun for BA, Carrie provided pedicure and most welcome leg massage.  BA toenails, (formerly purple, thanks to Carrie) are now multi-colored.  Did you all know that Barbie was an excellent water-skier?  BA memory of San Diego events and people was excellent.

I arrived earlier than my usual today, was there at 10; BA was fast asleep.  She woke up slowly over the next 45 minutes but we held hands the whole time.  And Lorraine called somewhere in there too, a call that was lost.  Thanks to tip from Audrey, I charged the cell phone, and later Carrie took off all the messages, so the phone is caught up.

Memory - BA recognized me immediately, altho called me Lorraine after that call a few times.  She told me Beau had never visited her there, so I corrected that and reminded her he had been there and brought her some clothes.  Not 15 minutes later, she told me Beau had visited and brought some wonderful new-size clothes which she likes.

Carrie and I had the same impression of the place - the people are warm and wonderful, the food is good, and rustic setting very nice.  There's a horse and some burros out front.  I met Heidi (who has the key to the meds cabinet) and Manny (brings food), and you'll all meet Madeleine, who is singing with BA in my little video.  BA likes these people a lot.

Pain meds - As soon as she woke up, BA asked me to check on her pain med schedule.  Heidi came right in and gave her one pill.  At 11:30, BA said she had a bad headache, would I check on pain meds schedule.  (The three of us were kind of loud, lots of laughter, especially with the toenail colors).  Turned out Heidi had given her at 10 one of the two she is allowed every four hours, so she got the second.  I asked what the med was - Hydrocone, generic Vicodin, I believe.  By the time I left (1:20), she agreed that the meds had kicked in fine and she felt good.

Food - she didn't eat her breakfast yogurt until I prompted her at 11; I did that because there were meds with it she could not take until after she had some food.  At 12:30, I asked about lunch, and the staff said she didn't eat lunch, so back I went, and BA said she "is never hungry" but would eat if the staff felt they should bring her food.  I had brought a chocolate cake for her, didn't think that was a good lunch on its own, so asked them to bring something light.  They did, a lovely tortilla with avocado and tomato and something else, which BA liked a lot and ate almost all.  (And she loved my cake).  BA said she thought the food is excellent.

Just as she was eating, Madeleine came in and they just broke into song, apparently they sang together the other day.  I got some of it. I showed BA the photos Dorothy sent of the musician gathering Saturday, BA remembered every bit of it, told me names of musicians etc.

Very sweet indeed.

Best to all (and if someone knows Carrie Johnson's em, can you send this to her?)  I really liked meeting her.  Carrie does not do the calendar, she said, just drives up (3 hours each way!) when she can.

Jeanne

Sep 8, 2013 - A few ideas for visitors

All,
I have been staying in contact with those of you who have been visiting Barbara Ann.  Thank you so much for all of the help and comfort that you are bringing her.  Here are a few notes that I have collected from various visitors and Barbara Ann that seem to make the visits go smoothly and provide the maximum help to Barbara Ann.

If you have questions on scheduling a visit or using the Google Calendar just send me an email at amclaughlin3@mac.com.

1. Loud noises are painful so soft voices are appreciated
2. Please help Barbara Ann stay hydrated by reminding her to drink water
3. Her pain medication is administered when she asks for it (allowed every 4 hours I think).  She has difficulty using the call button in her room consistently so if you would check on her pain level and need for medication when you arrive and before you leave that would be very helpful
4. If possible, try to get Barbara Ann outside.  There is a lovely patio with seating.  It is getting more difficult for her to get around due to swelling in her legs.  I don't know if there is a wheelchair available at the facility but there may be.
5. Music is always welcome.  An iPad or other portale device is a good way to share music during your visit.  There is wifi at the facility and you can get the code at the front desk.
6. She is experiencing quite a bit of trouble using her cell phone, both answering and making calls.  If you are so inclined please help her listen to any messages she may have received on her phone.  Also, if you could plug it in while you are there so that it stays charged.  Phone calls are very important in helping her stay connected with friends who are not close enough to visit.

Thank you so much for making time to visit Barbara Ann- what a wonderful community of friends she has to support her.

Sep 7, 2013 - Flying Eagle Band visit

On September 7, 2013 the members of the Flying Eagle band shared a day of music with Barbara Ann and the other residents at Soquel Leisure Villa.  The following message and pictures were share by Jim Broadstreet who is the trumpet player.

"The Flying Eagles had a great day with Barbara Ann.  She did quite a bit of singing and we all entertained many of the staff and other residents".

Sep 6, 2013 - Marya Shahinian visit

A few musings on my visit with Barbara Ann Friday afternoon. She had a headache, asked for medicine and carried on without complaining although the head pain persisted to some degree. Otherwise seemed quite cheery.

We spent a good deal of time with "get well" cards and packages. I opened and read them to BA. She treasures every message and every memory its author evokes. One person sent her a lovely soft stuffed rabbit (toy) that she hugged to her chest, like a child, the whole time I was there. Her delight was very real and she even gave it a name. I wrote some thank you notes at her request (approved by her but composed by me). 

BA's legs are so swollen and heavy that she can barely move them. She lay flat in bed the whole 3 hours until dinner was brought and the electric bed raised her chest to a sitting position. It does not seem good that she moves so little.

I wonder if the nursing home has a wheelchair in which she could be taken outdoors to see the donkey, horses, peaceful surroundings.

BA is quite please with all the clothes that you sent her, colors, texture, size. A bit confused as to who sent them to her but I corrected that. Her lower body was covered with a blanket so I did not see the shorts myself. In her small closet there are a few bags of stuff thrown on the floor. Nothing unpacked, no hangers.

We looked at pictures of her mother, who died just 7 days after mine. BA enjoyed telling me about her mother's last evening and last words, as if inspired by her mother's serenity.

She hopes to have enough energy to play the piano, looks forward to seeing her musician friends on the 7th, breaks into song -- a space of happiness. She has been sent dozens of CDs but there is nothing to play them on. Noise aggravates her headaches, so perhaps she would not play them anyway, and someone has to be there to interface with the CD player.

BA was concerned that some of her musician friends have not contacted her. This may be simple forgetfulness. I thought of a little book where visitors would sign, but who would tell people about it?.  We did talk about the reality that some people do not feel comfortable around the sick and the dying, and so tend to avoid them. 

Sep 5, 2013 - Ginny Anderson visit

On Sep 5, 2013, at 6:37 PM, virginia anderson <freyjand@comcast.netwrote:

I went to visit, loaded down with music books and prepared to spend our time singing - but it turned out to be a glorious conversation, with some tears, much lovely mind- and spirit-sharing, soul-searching inquiry and laughter.

Sang a little bit, as sound-worms came to either of us -

She expressed her ongoing reaction to continuous sounds around her - and I commented on the irony of sound being the greatest blessing and - at this time - the greatest curse. But as we continued our dialogue, her response to external sounds dwindled to nothing....

Good time, and anticipate returning again after I return from an Oregon journey that will take me till Sept. 20.

Ginny
___________________________________________________________________

On Sep 5, 2013, at 10:39 PM, dbender@gmail.com wrote:

Ginny --

How nice. Did you stay with her in her room the entire visit?
___________________________________________________________________

On Sep 6, 2013, at 5:28 PM, virginia anderson <freyjand@comcast.netwrote:

 Yes.  I  wanted to maintain that tabula raza of the visual space for this visit -  to use that visual and auditory simplicity to discover to what extent she'd be able to circumvent the "constant sound" she deals with, and to pay attention to her ability to follow the tracks our contact took.  She did very well - I know it's not consistent, but it seemed a far cry from the fear of dying she talked about experiencing several days earlier.

This was our (re)starting point....

 Ginny

Sep 4, 2013 - Dorothy and Wini visit (+ video)

Wini Leeds and I visited with Barbara Ann today, Wednesday, September 4th at the Soquel Leisure Village.

She enjoyed the chocolate covered cookies and the chocolate covered almonds.

We sat outside on the patio for several hours, singing, watching  IRVING BERLIN'S 100th BIRTHDAY (COMPLETE) - CARNEGIE HALL from
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLgzgGwEsKo
and listening to her Lone Prairie CD which she very much enjoyed.

Barbara Ann sang to us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kxv8SHdkkEw&feature=youtu.be
(Sorry for the lopsided video.)


The caretakers brought dinner to her outside which was placed on her food cart (from her room) so she could eat comfortably.

She's eager to have visitors.

Her phone may not be working very well these days. Check the calendar if you want to visit (or contact Audrey McLaughlin, amclaughlin3@me.com )

Wini Leeds with Barbara Ann on Sept 4, 2013 at Soquel Leisure Village