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June 23, 2013 - Email from Barbara Ann to Louise

From: b.a. barnett <babaccordn@earthlink.net>

Date: Sun, Jun 23, 2013 at 7:55 AM
Subject: The Re-Assembly Job......written in late June

[Louise: your response yesterday to my ‘dashed off’ verbal description of this moment in my life, encouraged me to put it in writing.  Here ‘tis.]

When I first conceived of the Re-Assembly job I delayed describing the experience....until now, since I have finally pieced together the imagery of the experience.

WHEN I EMERGED FROM THE COMA (perhaps April 12? ) I found a big open space for my mind to wander around in.....eyes, ears and heart open.

IT WAS AS IF some very large ‘universal’ hand (it seemed to have male characteristics), reached down with consciousness.....sensing in me as an entity, certain qualities:  readiness, vibrancy, resonance, quivering, openness, perhaps eagerness, shimmering.  Consciously endowed, this hand pointed toward my skull and reached to cradle and raise up my head, an act that was accompanied by a whisper-soft voice saying, “Her, that one, she’s ready.  Her number’s up”  .....when my ‘being-raised-up-skull-in-motion’ was then spun in a fast circle or two and hurled up and out into the universe, dispersing/releasing it from all structural integrity so that it flew into untold pieces that sailed straight away from me.  I’m not certain, but I think I simply watched them all go.  A few days later the soon-to-be oft repeated experience of having significant people in my life communicate, show up, write, e-mail, send gifts.......became the basis of the THE REASSEMBLY JOB.  They came and told me who I am to them (shocking me, over and over); they described who we were together and what our shared experiences were over a very long period of time from the mid 1940’s (in kindergarten) up to the present.  They reminded me of what we had done and gone through, and of who was there with us.  Their visits and stories helped to shape the re-constructed memories of what I thought had been a lost childhood/youth due to neglect and abuse.  Either it was not so lost, or it was re-claimable—who can say?

June 18, 2013 - Email from Barbara Ann

This is an email written by Barbara Ann to a friend who had been looking for her in Facebook. (She is listed as "BarbaraAnn Barnett".)

On Tue, Jun 18, 2013 at 9:37 PM, b.a. barnett <babaccordn@earthlink.net> wrote:

Hello my long-lost friend, M. Probably FB didn’t pick me up because of a single space between the “Barbara” and the “Ann” in my FB name.  What WAS I thinking?

This will be brief; more later.  Lots of little personal details to manage here, correspondence to stay current with and much more.  Things will unfold about the cancer, but most importantly, please know this: I have never felt better.  Apparently I have been allowed/invited into? a process of awakening that is not uncommon to near death survivors...but please know I am not reading the NDE ‘literature,’ so anything I write is purely subjective, coming only from my experience.

My day-to-day reality does not mix in with fear.....so if you are willing, I would be happy if you could take your ‘concern’ and pocket it for another day when it might be useful.  OK, so it’s asking a lot, I understand.

My sense of humor has never left me since April 8, 2013, the day the cancer struck me while driving my 96-year old Mother to what will be her final nursing home in San Diego.  Yup, I was in a moving car when the lights went out (no, I was not involved in an accident).  Surgery 2 days later on 4/10, discharged 3 days after that on 4/13 and moved in with son, daughter-in-law on 4/14; now living in lovely Santa Cruz, also with 2, sometimes 3 grandsons, depending on day of week/month.  That’s the big picture.  My first post-surgical consultation was, mmmm, interesting.  It began with a hand-shake during which he let go quickly and I took my time, while out of my mouth tumbled, “Look, I need you to understand this right off:  I’m not afraid to die.”  Completely unrehearsed, it surprised me.  I did not realize it had been on my mind, and maybe it wasn’t ‘on my mind.’  Who knows how this stuff works?

My next strong realization was that my best shot at getting through whatever lay ahead was going to be living well.  That has become my primary practice: living well  There’s a lot to that, but short time right here.

‘More later’ is the best I can do at this hour, at the end of a long day.  My spirit is strong and reliably resilient; my energy is pretty unbelievable, often bringing me to tears; my mind/mental faculties are in great shape; the body holds up for 3+ mile walks; the support I’m being given is ubiquitous; the gifts that are coming to me out of this experience are unparalleled in my life and take my breath away again and again.

Well, there, a kind of a wrap-up.  Time to hit the road to Dreamland.

Love & Light, Barbara Ann

Jun 14, 2013 - More Photos

Wini Leeds, Barbara Ann, Dorothy Bender in Santa Cruz - Jun 14, 2013

1974 Theatre Works production of "Through The Wilderness, To The Stars", with Barbara Ann on the accordian.

Barbara Ann at Wini and Jeff's wedding, May, 1977

Barbara Ann with Sue Fry at Wini and Jeff's wedding, May, 1977

Judy Cosgrove and Barbara Ann , July, 1977

Barbara Ann with Bonnie Stewart, 5/12/2005

"The Plunge", San Diego, where Barbara Ann learned to swim in 1949.

Barbara Ann with Susan Martin at Capitola Beach on May 10, 2013

Barbara Ann with Jeanne Friedman in Santa Cruz on May 17, 2013

Barbara Ann with Dorothy Bender at Cafe Cruz in Soquel, May 18, 2013

Women of the WMA (Western Music Association). 
From Left to Right are Barbara Ann, Patty Clayton, Liz Masterson, Audrey McLaughlin, and Janet McBride.

Barbara Ann and Dorothy Bender

Top Row from left to right: Nicholas Peyton, Michael Kilgore, Amanda Lee.
Bottom Row:  Barbara Ann, Dorothy Bender, Vic Lovell, Marc Porat
at Vic and Roxy's wedding, January, 2003 (all former residents of 1001 Forest Ave, Palo Alto at some time during
 1969-1971)

June 2, 2013 - Email from Bill Stevens to Barbara Ann

On Jun 2, 2013, at 9:05 PM, Bill Stevens <wastevens@verizon.net> wrote

Dear Barbara -
One night, maybe thirty-three years ago , my friend Kisuna Jacobse invited me to join her at the ___ club in Menlo Park to meet and hear her friend Susan (now Susan Kirk) sing at the piano bar. Kisuna had not
told me that she also wanted me to meet you. Susan was already singing when I arrived. You and Kisuna were nearly finished with your first glass of red. You were smoking a cigarette. Within 20 minutes I was
telling you how amazing it it was to find myself talking to a beautiful stranger who smokes and drinks, as I did, and is a practicing PhD psychologist as well! Just what I should have been! You invited me to visit you the next day on Homer Lane, where you were sunbathing when I arrived. We had a float in the creek Š
Thus began my too brief acquaintance with Barbara Barnett. I understood why it was brief. Among other things I was a very heavy drinker. You wanted to quit drinking altogether.

Kisuna died about 22 years ago. But three weeks ago, with my wife of 25 years, I attended the wedding of Kisuna's 42-year old daughter, Adriane, in Cabo San Lucas. Also attending was Adriane's mother's dear friend, Susan Kirk! I had not seen Susan for at least 30 years. She remembered me. I eventually asked if she knew anything about you. She told me the sad news of your medical condition, and recently sent me a link to the notes and photos on your Desert Flower blog.

It's heart rending but wonderful to see you again in those photos, and to learn a little more about your life before and after our brief interlude. Today I discovered the YouTube videos of your Jazzum performance last year. Who knew? I cried listening to you sing "I'm
crazy about my baby." No doubt I will cry again. I have missed you, Barbara. And I'm a better man for having known you.

It's some comfort to read you saying that you've had a great life and are ready to go when you have to. I'm so glad to know that you are content, well loved, surrounded by family and a host of friends, and still able to read this email.

I love you too.
Namaste.
Bill Stevens