June 18, 2013 - Email from Barbara Ann

This is an email written by Barbara Ann to a friend who had been looking for her in Facebook. (She is listed as "BarbaraAnn Barnett".)

On Tue, Jun 18, 2013 at 9:37 PM, b.a. barnett <babaccordn@earthlink.net> wrote:

Hello my long-lost friend, M. Probably FB didn’t pick me up because of a single space between the “Barbara” and the “Ann” in my FB name.  What WAS I thinking?

This will be brief; more later.  Lots of little personal details to manage here, correspondence to stay current with and much more.  Things will unfold about the cancer, but most importantly, please know this: I have never felt better.  Apparently I have been allowed/invited into? a process of awakening that is not uncommon to near death survivors...but please know I am not reading the NDE ‘literature,’ so anything I write is purely subjective, coming only from my experience.

My day-to-day reality does not mix in with fear.....so if you are willing, I would be happy if you could take your ‘concern’ and pocket it for another day when it might be useful.  OK, so it’s asking a lot, I understand.

My sense of humor has never left me since April 8, 2013, the day the cancer struck me while driving my 96-year old Mother to what will be her final nursing home in San Diego.  Yup, I was in a moving car when the lights went out (no, I was not involved in an accident).  Surgery 2 days later on 4/10, discharged 3 days after that on 4/13 and moved in with son, daughter-in-law on 4/14; now living in lovely Santa Cruz, also with 2, sometimes 3 grandsons, depending on day of week/month.  That’s the big picture.  My first post-surgical consultation was, mmmm, interesting.  It began with a hand-shake during which he let go quickly and I took my time, while out of my mouth tumbled, “Look, I need you to understand this right off:  I’m not afraid to die.”  Completely unrehearsed, it surprised me.  I did not realize it had been on my mind, and maybe it wasn’t ‘on my mind.’  Who knows how this stuff works?

My next strong realization was that my best shot at getting through whatever lay ahead was going to be living well.  That has become my primary practice: living well  There’s a lot to that, but short time right here.

‘More later’ is the best I can do at this hour, at the end of a long day.  My spirit is strong and reliably resilient; my energy is pretty unbelievable, often bringing me to tears; my mind/mental faculties are in great shape; the body holds up for 3+ mile walks; the support I’m being given is ubiquitous; the gifts that are coming to me out of this experience are unparalleled in my life and take my breath away again and again.

Well, there, a kind of a wrap-up.  Time to hit the road to Dreamland.

Love & Light, Barbara Ann