Inisheer Waltz
My Life's Been A Pleasure
Hello my long-lost friend, M. Probably FB didn’t pick me up because of a single space between the “Barbara” and the “Ann” in my FB name. What WAS I thinking?
This will be brief; more later. Lots of little personal details to manage here, correspondence to stay current with and much more. Things will unfold about the cancer, but most importantly, please know this: I have never felt better. Apparently I have been allowed/invited into? a process of awakening that is not uncommon to near death survivors...but please know I am not reading the NDE ‘literature,’ so anything I write is purely subjective, coming only from my experience.
My day-to-day reality does not mix in with fear.....so if you are willing, I would be happy if you could take your ‘concern’ and pocket it for another day when it might be useful. OK, so it’s asking a lot, I understand.
My sense of humor has never left me since April 8, 2013, the day the cancer struck me while driving my 96-year old Mother to what will be her final nursing home in San Diego. Yup, I was in a moving car when the lights went out (no, I was not involved in an accident). Surgery 2 days later on 4/10, discharged 3 days after that on 4/13 and moved in with son, daughter-in-law on 4/14; now living in lovely Santa Cruz, also with 2, sometimes 3 grandsons, depending on day of week/month. That’s the big picture. My first post-surgical consultation was, mmmm, interesting. It began with a hand-shake during which he let go quickly and I took my time, while out of my mouth tumbled, “Look, I need you to understand this right off: I’m not afraid to die.” Completely unrehearsed, it surprised me. I did not realize it had been on my mind, and maybe it wasn’t ‘on my mind.’ Who knows how this stuff works?
My next strong realization was that my best shot at getting through whatever lay ahead was going to be living well. That has become my primary practice: living well There’s a lot to that, but short time right here.
‘More later’ is the best I can do at this hour, at the end of a long day. My spirit is strong and reliably resilient; my energy is pretty unbelievable, often bringing me to tears; my mind/mental faculties are in great shape; the body holds up for 3+ mile walks; the support I’m being given is ubiquitous; the gifts that are coming to me out of this experience are unparalleled in my life and take my breath away again and again.
Well, there, a kind of a wrap-up. Time to hit the road to Dreamland.
Love & Light, Barbara Ann
Wini Leeds, Barbara Ann, Dorothy Bender in Santa Cruz - Jun 14, 2013 |
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1974 Theatre Works production of "Through The Wilderness, To The Stars", with Barbara Ann on the accordian. |
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Barbara Ann at Wini and Jeff's wedding, May, 1977 |
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Barbara Ann with Sue Fry at Wini and Jeff's wedding, May, 1977 |
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Judy Cosgrove and Barbara Ann , July, 1977 |
Barbara Ann with Bonnie Stewart, 5/12/2005 |
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"The Plunge", San Diego, where Barbara Ann learned to swim in 1949. |
Barbara Ann with Susan Martin at Capitola Beach on May 10, 2013 |
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Barbara Ann with Jeanne Friedman in Santa Cruz on May 17, 2013 |
Barbara Ann with Dorothy Bender at Cafe Cruz in Soquel, May 18, 2013 |
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Women of the WMA
(Western Music Association). From Left to Right are Barbara Ann, Patty Clayton, Liz Masterson, Audrey McLaughlin, and Janet McBride. |
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Barbara Ann and Dorothy Bender |
On Jun 2, 2013, at 9:05 PM, Bill Stevens <wastevens@verizon.net> wrote
Dear Barbara -
One night, maybe thirty-three years ago , my friend Kisuna Jacobse invited me to join her at the ___ club in Menlo Park to meet and hear her friend Susan (now Susan Kirk) sing at the piano bar. Kisuna had not
told me that she also wanted me to meet you. Susan was already singing when I arrived. You and Kisuna were nearly finished with your first glass of red. You were smoking a cigarette. Within 20 minutes I was
telling you how amazing it it was to find myself talking to a beautiful stranger who smokes and drinks, as I did, and is a practicing PhD psychologist as well! Just what I should have been! You invited me to visit you the next day on Homer Lane, where you were sunbathing when I arrived. We had a float in the creek Š
Thus began my too brief acquaintance with Barbara Barnett. I understood why it was brief. Among other things I was a very heavy drinker. You wanted to quit drinking altogether.
Kisuna died about 22 years ago. But three weeks ago, with my wife of 25 years, I attended the wedding of Kisuna's 42-year old daughter, Adriane, in Cabo San Lucas. Also attending was Adriane's mother's dear friend, Susan Kirk! I had not seen Susan for at least 30 years. She remembered me. I eventually asked if she knew anything about you. She told me the sad news of your medical condition, and recently sent me a link to the notes and photos on your Desert Flower blog.
It's heart rending but wonderful to see you again in those photos, and to learn a little more about your life before and after our brief interlude. Today I discovered the YouTube videos of your Jazzum performance last year. Who knew? I cried listening to you sing "I'm
crazy about my baby." No doubt I will cry again. I have missed you, Barbara. And I'm a better man for having known you.
It's some comfort to read you saying that you've had a great life and are ready to go when you have to. I'm so glad to know that you are content, well loved, surrounded by family and a host of friends, and still able to read this email.
I love you too.
Namaste.
Bill Stevens